My Mom – A Mother’s Day Q&A

May 8, 2016

Mothers – where would we be without them? Well, for one, not alive. Therefore, I figured I’d take this holiday, thankful for my existence, to interview my very special mother, Tamara, about all things life, women, and the best Mother’s Day gift (very doable, and just requires a little time) – here’s what she had to say…

Me: Let’s start by having you rank your 7 children in order of preference (yes, there’s 7 of us)…

Mom: Order of preference?! That’s a terrible question. I love all of you very much. I refuse to answer – okay, well, it depends on what day it is!

Jk, jk, mom – I was kidding (maybe).

When did you realize you were no longer a child?

When I had to bill my own health insurance! That, and when my relationship changed with your grandma – when I was able to enjoy her as a friend and not just my mother, that was a very special time.

When did you realize I was no longer a child?

I haven’t yet. No really, let me think – yeah, nope, still my baby!

What advice would you give ladies in their 20s about life in your 20s?

Make really good choices. Don’t overthink it, but remember to always respect yourself; the choices you make, and the people you associate yourself with are very important.

What would you consider your “prime” years, and why?

My 30s. You know where you’re going, and you’re heading there – you’ve got a plan and you’re just executing it. It’s a good time. But, honestly, I think all the years are good – just good for different reasons. It’s important to live in the moment – plan ahead, but don’t look ahead.

There’s a saying, “nothing is really lost, until your mom can’t find it” – HOW do you do it?

Is this a vagina question?! Men think the vagina is a homing device, like we have special powers because of it – I don’t know why that is! Really though, we moms find everything because there’s no back up plan if we don’t – we have to find it. I’m like the last stop, if I don’t find it, it won’t be found and that’s not really an option.

I’m sorry, all I heard was “vagina.” Moving on…

What’s something I can do for you, daily?

Be safe, that’s all I ask.

What makes you feel loved and appreciated?

When someone calls for no reason. I don’t need you, or your sisters, brothers, etc. to check in with me, but it’s a reminder that I’m loved. Not that I don’t think I’m loved, but it’s just a good reminder, okay?

Yes, ma’am!

Tell me this, what’s the worst part about getting older?

The feeling of regret, that’s the worst part. There’s a few things I would have liked to have done differently, and the challenge with getting older is that you can’t redo anything – you just have to go with it and try to make the best decisions moving forward.

For example: dad says I don’t like to travel, but that’s not true, I do like to travel. However as I aged, I didn’t train myself to be so casual in that kind of situation, you know, to be more free spirited. I’m such a structured person, it’s hard for me to simply pack up and go! But, I worried about you kids, who would babysit, what would happen if God-forbid something happened to me, etc. I’ve learned you have to move out of your comfort zone as you’re growing up – when you’re young, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t, I realize this now!

So, what would be your advice to avoid this (regret)?

Just avoid the thousand reasons why you shouldn’t do something – if it’s safe, doesn’t hurt anyone, you can afford it, and so on, then do it. Nothing is stopping you but yourself and your own fears.

Okay, now, what’s the BEST part about getting older?

Being comfortable in your own skin, for sure. Also, you get to see the other side – seeing your kids grow up, and how wonderful they are and how you helped to shape who they’ve become. That’s not to say you kids are perfect, no one is, but it’s fulfilling to see the fruits of the labor!

How do you think the way you raised me impacted my personality, and/or career as an adult?

I’ve always been very hard working, and I think you saw that and you realized at a very young age that wonderful things take hard work, and a good attitude. I also showed you my passions – crafts, decorating, party planning, cooking, etc., those are things I enjoy, and we enjoy together; remember how you used to think I was crazy because everything had to be so perfect?! Yeah, well guess what, you’re the same way! If something wasn’t right I redid it, rebaked it, recut it, resewed it – I think I taught you that if you don’t like something, don’t settle. You can’t control the entire world, but you can control your own world – you understand that – I think that’s what makes you good in your career, relationships, and more, and what has made you the person you are today.

Well, thanks mom! With all that said, what do you admire most in a strong woman?

Well, strength of course. Strength is a really powerful thing in a woman – it doesn’t mean you’re a bully, aggressive, or a b*tch, it just means you deal with things that come your way – it’s not about how many times you fall, but how quickly you get back up. I admire a woman who’s quick on her feet. Strength is very important, it affects your whole family, your health, happiness, everything.

What should I wake up and do first thing in the morning?

Drink hot water with lemon (a mild form of detox)! And, be very grateful. I always thank God before I go to bed, and wake up grateful.

For the woman who has it all, what’s the best gift to receive on Mother’s Day?

That’s easy! Yard work. Really, any form of physical labor though – bushes pulled up, grass mowed, car washed, anything that takes time and effort. Your dad did yard work for me today – it was a total sh*t show though, ugh – nonetheless, I’m very thankful, it was really nice.

LOL. Oh, Dad (it’s the thought that counts!).

What’s something you think most mothers don’t tell their children?

I don’t think it’s what mothers don’t tell their children, but what they don’t show them. I really don’t think enough mothers/women show respect for themselves, I see that a lot, sadly. Sometimes self-respect can get lost when you’re caring for people you love, you don’t care for yourself enough because you’re worried about everyone else. In my opinion, if you care about yourself, and show your children how you should be treated, they will see it and feel it, and demand respect themselves.

Example: staying friends with a bad girlfriend even though she’s awful to you, or a husband that’s not very nice – your kids see that, and might develop qualities based on those examples.

This leads me to my next question, what does it mean to be a mother?

It means a gift. Mothers don’t have to be your actual mother to be a mother to you – it’s just being loving and caring, to anyone.

Side note: in my generation is was SO easy to conceive children, it was a problem (LOL), obviously why we have so many of you kids! But, it can be much more difficult nowadays because of health issues, etc. that seem to be popping up. Anyways, the point is anyone can be a “mother” – put all the other stuff aside and just care about others and their wellbeing, that’s a mother, period.

Give me a good quote, for the people, mama…

“There’s one thing in life you can be sure of – and that’s change, so you better be damn good at it.” That’s what your grandpa always told me. And it’s so true, if you can handle change, you can do just about anything.

Good one. And, we should say happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there!

Yes, yes, of course! Happy Mother’s Day, my fellow homing devices! Take the day off, and don’t find anything for anyone! Kidding (kinda).

All jokes aside, enjoy your day! To love, and be loved is an honor, wear it well.

Love, Tams

Oh that note, what’s some advice you’ve received from your mom? Share in the comments section below.