MY: Your videos are a living document of the personal progress you’ve made; it’s incredible to see how committed you are to self-improvement while navigating so many ever-changing circumstances (like trying to build a sandcastle in an earthquake). What have you discovered that you can always count on no matter what?

Nicki Marie: It’s like that Snoop Dogg award acceptance “I’d like to thank me” speech! I’m so freaking proud that I’ve been able to create the space that I need for myself, the terms that I need for myself and my kids, and have been consistent in my approach to motherhood. I’m proud of my ability to show up 24/7 for my kids, all without telling the public about my sob story. Social media has been a creative, healing space for me, and the best part of it all is that social media knows 1% of me. That’s beautiful, but also hard when I feel misunderstood. Ultimately that doesn’t even matter, because I know I’m doing it right for the long haul. Everyone needs to be their own biggest fan first. Self-love and self-care go hand in hand, and you can only take the best care of your kids if you’re already taking the best care of yourself. When I’m off with myself, I’m off with my kids. It’s that simple. Love yo’self, Mamma! Guilt-free!

MY: How would you describe your unique persona on social media?

NM: I couldn’t tell you what my “niche” is if I tried. Maybe that’s what makes me unique? I cover such a variety of things: motherhood and womanhood overall, but I also dive into divorced motherhood, starting over, loss of pregnancy/stillborn, ADHD problems, plus some random humor. There’s something for everyone to relate to.

MY: What’s something your kids are growing up with that you would’ve loved to have as a child?

NM: I shared this exact story with my daughter last week. If YouTube was around when I was a kid, I would’ve instantly said, “I am SO going to be a YouTube star!” But also, with my attention span, YouTube would’ve been a horrific distraction to have in my life. It would have distracted me from boredom, from creating, from thinking about the life that I wanted, from journaling, and being present with my family. So, I’m blessed to have had exactly what I had as a kid, which was a blue collar, 80’s upbringing. I wish I could give the same to my own kids, and I’m trying to keep them connected to my roots while also being realistic about living in this modern day. When I figure out the formula, trust me, I’ll shout it from the rooftops.

MY: Do your children have or ask to have social media? Do they ask to see your content? How do they feel about being part of a public story?

NM: No, they absolutely do not have social media, and I’m relieved that I know so much about these platforms before they do. It’s important to build yourself and know what your values are before you’re in front of people on a stage getting compliments, critiques, and all things in between. I’m by no means perfect, but protecting my kids and being a kickass mom are my main priorities. Recently, my daughter’s friend mentioned that he watched me on TikTok, and it really made me uncomfortable. My content is not intended for kids; I wish more parents realized what type of content their young children have access to. I’m glad I know what I know, and soon I’d love to educate others on the joys and sorrows of living in such a digital world (part of why I’m starting a podcast in 2024).

MY: If your children are able to view your content when they grow up, what realizations would you hope they have about you as an individual?

NM: That I truly wrote my happily ever after 2.0. That I cultivated my superpowers after experiencing so much loss. I suffered miscarriages, delivered a stillborn, went through a very challenging divorce, lost my job, and chose to leave the corporate world behind to be a more present mom. Most importantly, I want them to know that I really enjoyed and embraced every minute of being their mom.

MY: Any parent out there knows that each day brings its own special lessons in acceptance. What small victories keep you going through the biggest battles?

NM: Great question and good timing. I went for a long walk last night after a tough after-school day with my daughter. I made a call to a mentor of mine, and he said something that stuck with me. He told me, “You can never fail at something that you stay in the game for. The only people who fail are people who stop.” So, my answer to finding victory in the biggest battles is to keep playing, keep learning, keep growing. Find ways to problem solve versus sit in defeat. It’s an athlete’s mindset, and I do feel like my athletic background has helped me through all of my toughest moments. All of them.

MY: In what ways has being a mother helped you to better parent yourself?

NM: Being a mom has taught me patience, resilience, and to let go of ego. When a young child can trigger such emotion in us, it’s a sign that we still have a lot of growing up to do. As parents, we only know what we know based on our own upbringing. We need to give ourselves some grace that this is the most important job in the world, and the only job that we don’t get training for. Think about that for a second. Realize that every single day is an opportunity to reflect and grow. This mindset can be more encouraging to our own inner child, who’s saying, “Why don’t you have this figured out by now?! You suck at this!” If you’re reading this and nodding your head, then chances are, you’re already an amazing parent.

MY: What advice do you have for mothers who are going through a divorce?

NM: No one else can tell you how to grieve your marriage. All of the could-have-beens are your own journey, and expecting other people to understand or to know how to support you might lead to disappointment and feelings of isolation. Support yourself and write your own love story for the next phase of your life. This new chapter may just be about you and your kids, and that’s OK. It’s a reset — a beautiful pivot that will likely make you stronger than ever.

MY: Why does the content you produce matter to you?

NM: What matters most to me is that I show up “as is” each day. Come as you are: messy, made up, unorganized, productive, silly, serious, happy, emotional; it’s important for me to show up as myself. And the day I’m not doing this, or scripting out my plans for posting, then this isn’t going to be fun for me anymore.

MY: Are there any assumptions or unwritten rules about being a woman/wife/mom that need to just go away already?

NM: The “Lean In” era was a bunch of BS. The book and the movement it inspired were all about women giving more of themselves to their careers, but what was left out of that story was “What if we try it, and it’s not for us? What do we do then?” A woman might have dreams to climb the corporate ladder, become a doctor, “do it all,” but what happens if she has kids and starts to feel different about her priorities? What then? From my personal experience, it can cause feelings of shame and isolation. We want to show up as strong and capable employees and not “wimpy,” like it was too much for us. But during this time no one was talking about that feeling of “What if I can’t do all of this emotionally? What if I simply don’t want to?” What we saw instead were images of women in top leadership roles, slaying life in their Girl Boss attire. What we didn’t see was all of the behind the scenes: the salary we needed in order to hire all of the support and the sacrifices that some of us might not want to make when it comes to raising our kids. Is it even possible, and if so, how? It’s why I left the workforce. I felt that tugging on my heart strings and on my soul day after day, and truth is, I was too ashamed to admit it. Once I learned for myself what no one else dared to say, I leaned OUT, because luckily I was in a position where I could. Many women don’t have that option, and I feel like there’s still so much conversation around how much women are taking on today. My first glance is, we aren’t doing as great as people think we are. And if I can be a voice of reason, even if it’s through comedy, then yes, sign me up! I’m here for it.